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There might be The One, but then there’s also the one you actually marry.

“The One” is where things are going really great, you’re into him, and he seems to check a lot of the boxes. He’s cute, your heart races when you see him, and you get butterflies being around him. You think, “This is it, right?” This is the fun and exciting, sweep-you-off-your-feet, true love that you see in the movies. It’s finally happening to you!!

But then it ends.

He didn’t choose you, or you decided not to choose him.

A little back story - my boyfriend is tall with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He smart, athletic, and hard-working. He dresses a little outdoorsy and preppy- absolutely no hipster or granola (which I thought would be a quality of my dream guy). I can’t even get him to try on joggers. What matters most is his amazing character and his heart- but we’ll get to that later. 

So I transferred to Andrew’s college in the middle of my junior year. Even though I told myself that I would never follow a boy to school, the move was better for ME. (Whether Andrew was there or not, that decision was what was best and healthiest for my life.) 

When Andrew graduated, (a year before I did), he moved to Greenville, got a big boy job, and decided to live at home with his parents to save money. Now that I’ve graduated, I'm thinking about where I want to be. I've considered all the paths I can take & thought about the ones I truly want. I have always loved the thought of moving somewhere far away, whether it’s Vancouver or India, but I know that no matter where I went or what I did, it wouldn’t change anything between Andrew and me, because what we want is each other.

So, we have talked about a plan. We’ve known we want to marry each other for a while, but we both have talked about how we’re not ready to get married yet. We want to work and live on our own after college, because we think we’re young and still have some growing to do when it comes to responsibility and maturity. He’s saving money for a ring, we’re both saving because we want to get a house when we get married and we have no money to our names. 

We’ve talked about things. We’ve communicated our goals and what we want. And, most importantly, we’re on the same page.

We are best friends. We can trust each other. We have the same purpose and goals in life and want to be teammates in pursuing those goals. We work well together and balance each other. We love and forgive each other when it’s hard and when the other person messes up. We’re together because Andrew sees my heart and that’s what he wants to be with, and I see his amazing heart and I’m so lucky to have found it. He is one of the best people I have ever met. 

His character is incredible and amazing, which is more important than if he wears joggers or not. You get to figure out what are deal-breakers and what are not.

Andrew does not have the personality I would have chosen; we are complete opposites and don’t understand each other easily. It took and still takes a lot of communication and work. But I have learned to love and appreciate, and even sometimes need, his differences. Who Andrew is as a person and will be as a husband and father one day, is a deal-maker over and over again. 

Our love is so much better and even more romantic than the movies, because it is real. Andrew has shown me love in deeper ways than Hollywood movies do or what I imagined in my daydreams. We’ve loved each other even when it’s hard, which makes our relationship even better and stronger. 

I’m glad it’s not perfect. The One isn’t Prince Charming where the stars align and you see the signs and everything is right - it’s the one you choose to marry because you see who they are and they see you and both of you are excited about doing this life together. That’s why it will seem right.

I do not have to be with Andrew. I really don’t have to be. If I were on my own, I would be doing the same things. I would be who I am. I would want what I want. I’m not with Andrew because I’m afraid to be single. (I actually sometimes think it’s easier to be single, because relationships take work and it’s easier to get away with being selfish when you’re single.) 

I’m not with Andrew because I’m afraid I won’t find anybody else. I know what’s best for me, I know what’s healthy, I know Andrew and I are a really good thing. I’m glad he’s in my life and he’s the person I’ve created a relationship with. We didn’t have to, but we chose to because we love what we see in the other person and life is fun to do together. 

And that’s the difference between The One and the one you actually marry.

 

Written by Erin Moffatt

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